Tasting 9 Famous Mongolian Beers

Hello, and welcome to our new episode of “Self-Indulgence While Filming Yourself: Best Job Ever,” I’m your host Al Coeholik.
In this episode, we’re in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia, tasting local beers. Before we begin, I’d like to mention our sponsor, this bar, which let me drink these beers this early. I’d like to mention the name of the bar, but it’s in Cyrillic, so I can’t be bothered, but our camera guy will take the shot later, yeah?
Camera guy: (speaking Mongolian) I work here, asshole. I don’t know who you’re talking to, or why you’re speaking English.
Okay, I’m going to make this list of Mongolian beers a spiritual journey (pun intended, haha).
For starters, the camera guy has brought me:
1. Khar Khorum
*Sip* Ah! *Sip* Ah!
Nothing like starting the evening with a beer with a name that reminds you of that mysterious city.
Camera guy: (speaking Mongolian) It’s 11:00 am.
This is a beer that was first manufactured in 2003. It was re-branded in 2007, If I recall correctly.
Um… It’s very tasty. *Gulp! Gulp!* Ah! … and cold.
I think it was categorized as a premium beer. Not that I know what it means. Okay, one down, nine to go.
2. Altan Gobi
*Gulp* *Gulp* *Barf* 
The camera guy has brought another beer. It’s a draft beer called Altan Gobi. I hear that Altan Gobi was started in 2003, too. It’s pretty much similar to Khar Khorum — until you taste it! Wow! It’s good! The pub folks tell me that it won a gold medal from an international beer fair in 1986. It also won a grand gold from the Monde Selection World Quality Institute in Belgium, in 2007. What a devilishly beautiful beer! No wonder it’s winning prizes.
Camera guy: Hey, there’s nobody else here. We’re not even open yet!
Okay, after two drinks I am incredibly sober.
Hit me again with:
3. Jalam Khar
Jalam Khar could be stupidly translated as a “black ambler”, a kenning to a dark horse. There’s even a traditional solo dance with the same name.
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Oh, look, our producer is here.
Producer: Excuse me, what are you doing here? We’re not open yet. And who are you talking to?
Camera guy: *makes a cuckoo in the head gesture*
Jalam Khar advertises itself as a beer to build muscle. Oh yeah, if there’s one muscle that beer develops that’s a belly (read: not abs) Basically, the taste is either pretty much the same, or my taste buds have been anesthetized by the previous beers.
Camera guy: Manager wants you to leave now.
Secretly hoping that it’d make me bulky, I downed the Jalam Khar easily, and asked for:
4. Sengur

 

Wow! The camera girl smiled at me when she brought me the Sengur! What was that all about? Tee-hee! I think I’m getting a LITTLE tipsssy heeerrreee. Ahem, I had tried Sengur several times before, and um… I don’t know much — other than the fact that name Sengur is the name of a spoiled brat in The Secret History of the Mongols.
Let’s get this over with and have:
5. Borgio
*Dramatic music in the background*
Our dear waitress looks impressed. There’s something attractive about her that I didn’t notice before, and look at all these people. The atmosphere in this place is jussst riggghhht.
Anywhoo! The good old Borgio! This beer has been around since 1927; it is one of the oldest beers in Mongolia. It comes with a brown glassed bottle, which kind of degrades its appeal. But on the 0ther hand, this beer resembles an ordinariness (is that a word?), an average Joe-ness (I mean average Dorj-ness). That’s the beauty of it. I think I’m gonna cry.
Hey, waitress!
6. Fusion
Everyone seems to be noticing my presence in the pub. Maybe it’s because I ordered Fusion, or maybe it’s because I AM SHOUTING!
OK, this beer, Fusion, came out with a mysterious slogan and teased us for a while…
Ambiguous ads saying, “Fusion: Let’s break our norms!” annoyed people for some time.
“Gawd! Tell us what it is already! A vandalism course?,” Mongolians asked.
The makers of Fusion say it’s a beer.
Mongolia loses interest and walks away.
The makers of Fusion make this music video. It helped.
Okay, …. so two things.
1) Um… Fusion is marketed towards … the young generation,
2) Er… It’s a beer … with a bottle opener in its bottom.
Now… can I get a:
7. Chinggis
OH MY GAWD! nOW I’M POSITIVE THAT TEH PEOPLE OFF THIS PLAES WANT TO HAVE ME PASSSED OOUUUTTT. OKAY! I’LL DRINK EVERYTHING YOUR BROUGHT THEN. *GULP GULP* *GULP GULP* *GULP GULP* *GULP GULP* *GULP GULP*
8. GEM
‘RRR ANO’ER BE’R! IMMA ‘RINK ‘IS! UAY IZ ZE TAYBLE SOU SOPHT?
*Slam*
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
9. Airag (mare’s milk)
201010-w-strangestdish-airag
Whoa!
Where am I? Why is there an airag in front of me?
Oh well, might help with the hangover. This is a bona fide Mongolian “beer”. It’s fermented mare’s milk. It’s usually made in the summer when the herders prepare their horses for milking. So you’ll get lots when you’re in the countryside.
In the city it’s hard to find, but I have a bottled one, which is great.
*Sip!* *Sip!* Ah!
That’s it about the beers in Mongolia. Hope you enjoyed watching our show.
Now excuse me while I go puke in the bathroom.

 

mm About Admin
SoWhyMongolia is an online magazine that explains Mongolian culture with humor. Follow us on Twitter and Facebook.

mm

Admin

SoWhyMongolia is an online magazine that explains Mongolian culture with humor. Follow us on Twitter and Facebook.

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